Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Getting to Mommy

I always knew eventually Dustin and I would want to have babies but before we got married we made the decision that we would wait a few years so we could travel, go out with friends, and just enjoy each other. Since we didn't want to start trying for a while I went to the doctor and requested the Mirena IUD. Throughout the procedure my doctor talked to me, explained things on the sonogram, and tried to keep my mind off the procedure. It was quick, a little painful, but overall a very easy deal. After he was done he told me that from what he saw on the sonogram he could tell that I had very irregular cycles, if he had to guess I probably only ovulated once a year, and it would probably be hard for me to get pregnant. He then tried to reassure me and said "But don't you worry about that because when the time comes, I am a fertility specialist and can help with that". Dang! I went in to that appointment not wanting babies anytime soon and came out with the biggest case of baby fever you could imagine. I think it was because I was kinda in a panic that it may take forever to get pregnant so if we didn't start trying soon we might totally miss our window all together.

Fast forward 3 years and I was finally able to help Dustin feel comfortable with the idea of trying to start a family. He's a typical guy in the sense that he needed to have certain things crossed off his list to feel like he was "ready" to be a dad. And I was pumped he finally felt ready! I went to the doctor, had the IUD removed, then headed straight to the store and bought prenatals, fish oil, and the best ovulation kits my Google-ing could find. I chilled out on the wine drinking, made sure I was eating well and basically tried to be as healthy as possible to hopefully create a great environment in my body for a baby.

I used the kits for about 6 months and each month I noticed that I wouldn't get the little smiley face until late in my cycle (like day 25) and would start my next cycle a few days later. Anyone that knows the time-line of a normal woman's cycle would know that is not good. I knew this time-line wasn't going to allow our future baby to get comfy and implanted before my next cycle would start. I know they say to try a year before calling a specialist but I didn't want to waste any time, especially if the doctor had already seen issues before, so I called him and setup an appointment.

We met with him a few weeks later and he agreed to go ahead and start the infertility testing to figure out what the problem was. I went in a few times for blood draws and sonograms and they tested Dustin to rule him out. A week or so after we finished the testing, the doctor called with my results and told me that the tests showed what we suspected. I wasn't ovulating. He suggested we start with a round of Femara (a medicine that helps you ovulate) and to come in mid-cycle for a sonogram to make sure the meds were doing what they were supposed to. I felt broken and so angry with my body but I started the Femara and we prayed it would work.

On the 12th day (a Friday) I went in for the sonogram and possibly a trigger shot (a shot they give you in the stomach to trigger ovulation). During the sono they only found one follicle that was developing but it wasn't quite mature enough to do the trigger shot so they wanted me to come back Monday to check again. Well that sucked for a few reasons: Normally more follicles mature which gives you a better chance of getting pregnant. Secondly, I was scheduled to go to San Francisco for work Monday afternoon. Thirdly, the doctor was only willing to do three rounds of the medicine because of side effects. I had to make a choice... Do I buy Dustin a last minute flight or just forget about this cycle and try again next month. So I did what anyone would do and texted my sister in-law. Ya I know it's kind of a weird choice but she's very level headed and I knew she'd give me great advice. She basically told me to book him a flight and have fun. And that's what I did.

That Monday at our next appointment the doctor said the follicle was still immature and that I would probably ovulate on my own on Tuesday. Good thing I booked him a flight. So off we went to San Francisco. I worked during the day and when I was done we went out for a couple nice dinners and enjoyed the city. I figured that if we didn't get pregnant this time, we tried and we at least had a good time in one of our favorite cities.

A week and a half later, we had my family over for some time at the pool. We were laying out in the water, having a good time, when my wonderful sister pointed out that I looked pregnant (so sweet ;P). And my mom said she had been noticing how huge my boobs looked. Awesome. They both said I needed to take a pregnancy test but I knew it was a few days too soon and I explained to both of them that there was no way they'd be noticing pregnancy signs already.

That night, after they left, I got up the nerve to take one of the First Response tests. Figuring it would be negative like all the times before, I secretly went to the bathroom, did my thing, and waited for the result. Not even a minute later the test showed a faint positive (But hey a positive is a positive)! I was in shock! I had waited for this moment for what felt like forever and now I didn't know what to do. I just stood in the bathroom and tried to compose myself so I could tell Dustin in the way I had planned.

Almost a year before, I had purchased a bandanna for Bennington that was two layers. The top bandanna said "Guess What?" and the bottom layer said "I'm going to be a big brother!". I went to the closet, got the bandanna and with very shaky hands tied it on Bennington. I told him to go see his daddy and he ran right to Dustin. Dustin didn't get what was going on at first because I promised him I would wait a few more days to take the test so that I wouldn't get upset prematurely. I kept saying "Dustin lift the bandanna, lift the bandanna!" He finally realized what was going on and said "Are you serious??" I started crying and he hugged me while one of my legs continued to shake uncontrollably. It was such a special moment. We joked that if it was a boy we should name him Francisco. But luckily for Boston we decided against it.

We happened to get extremely lucky that it only required one treatment to become pregnant. I know so many friends that are struggling and going through so much more than what we went through but when the time comes and your baby is placed in your arms (whether it be through your own pregnancy, surrogacy or adoption) you will finally understand what God was preparing you for. His plan is always perfect.

8 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your story! I just found your blog from the Little Baby Garvin blog. Keep your blogs coming! I love reading them :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Tiffany! Jessica's is one of my favorites!!

      Delete
  2. Thank you for sharing this! Infertility is such a struggle and feeling you are alone in the struggle makes it worse!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It really is such a lonely feeling which is why I wanted to share. Love you girl and I am always here if you need me.

      Delete
  3. That's great that your first cycle worked. Whether you're at it for months, years, or longer, infertility sucks. It's great that you shared your story. Awareness is so important.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Yes we are so lucky that it worked as quick as it did but you are totally right. When you are ready to have a baby any amount of time seems like forever when things are not working the way they should. I think being open is key because I personally felt so alone until I talked to a few friends and realized that many had gone through similar situations.

      Delete
  4. That's so amazing you only had to do one round! We've been trying for two years and I actually just picked up my prescription for Clomid today -- whether or not we get a positive test going this route, I'm learning to trust God in the process and realize I don't fully understand the big picture.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good luck!! We are now trying for number two and I took my first round of Femara last month and I didn't get the same positive result but I have confidence in God's plan and I know it will happen when it needs to. It is super hard though. Sending you positive thoughts and tons of baby dust!

      Delete